Why we fight

Some people have been curious exactly what it is that I do at work and I'll admit to being pretty tight lipped about it. But lest people continue to propagate the myth that I work at a Clinique counter, or that I actually still work at the video store, I will do my best to explain the work process and my role in it.

This is where I work. The 37th floor of the illustrious GM building, built by George Montgomery in 1853 and surprisingly modern looking. The first ten floors used to be Mr. Montgomery's private zoo but the smell wafting up the elevator shaft made business flee and the zoo was eventually removed in 1914. Most of the animals were sent to fight in WWI and many died at Verdun.

This is my cubicle. You may notice a mirror effect taking place on the screen of my computer. Every week I take a picture of my cubicle at roughly the same angle and then set that as my desktop. So when I take the weeks following picture of my desktop my desktop from the week before is being displayed. In this picture six weeks have passed since I started the process. I'm clearly very busy.

These are, in order from right to left, Rochelle, Ted and Kimia. Ted is my boss, the head of packaging. Kimia and Rochelle give me projects. Not pictured: Jillian, Christie, Joanne, Rosanna, Jessica and Les.

These are my two rubber stamps. About a third of my responsibility lies in processing invoices. We work with a lot of companies who make comps, take pictures, retouch and so on. These companies charge us outlandish sums higher than my yearly pay. I am the last in the line that makes sure they're paid. If it weren't for me, many New York CEO's wouldn't be able to line their swimming pools with gold this year.

These markers are used for the nest third of my job. At one point Ted saw me doodling and called me an "illustrator". This is apparently what one calls a person who doodles. So now instead of drawing crude pictures of B52s dropping bombs on my old grade school JJ Hill, I now draw crude pictures of B52s dropping their payloads on to lipstick tubes and white women.

The last third of my job is photo retouching. When I finally got a computer made in the last twenty years it came pre-loaded with photoshop. At that point Ted decided that I would also start assisting Kimia (both pictured above) in some of her work with Travel Retail (sh*t you buy at airport duty free shops when you're bored between flights). This entails taking digital photo's of products and then making them look prettier than I did in the crappy job I did of taking their picture. It's very complicated. It's also allowed me to train in Photoshop which has resulted in the above image, and many pictures of co-workers I had doctored.
The other key points of my job:
Drinking coffee
Making sarcastic comments
Blendwourthe & Biddle the ebay company run by Ted and myself
Coming up with exciting new ways to make the time here go just a little quicker...
If anyone knows of any video stores that are hiring I can attach my resume to this.