Greetings folks,
Today, as you all should know, is Halloween! Boo! Are you scared? No? Fine. So, anyway, today is... BOO! Still not scared?!? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you robots?
So today is Halloween and this year the holiday has forced me to realize some things about myself. This year, instead of going out and partying like a mad man, I got the sniffles and stayed in watching my stories. With trick or treaters out on patrol tonight, instead of going to a bar and finding some drunken nurse/flower/vampiress I'm contemplating sitting in front of the window with a hose and dousing any of the little bastards that come near my home. I don't know how or when it happened, but my body was possessed by the spirit of an old timer. It's true. I didn't grasp it until Halloween rolled around either.
Sure you say, maybe I'm just anti-Halloween. That doesn't necessarily mean that I've been possessed by a man called "Gramps" who died in 1954. Well let me further blow your minds by saying that since this possession took place I've been carrying butterscotch candies in my pockets... The pockets of my cardigan!!! I tried to join the AARP in a drunken stupor one night, and when I go to the Kellogg's diner I tip in change, and only 5%.
It's not all fun and games either. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I have to pee, and then realizing I don't. I've been having a horrible sense of loss from my wife passing... except I was never married! And I've been having flashbacks to the Great War... but I never fought in it!!
Boo!!! Are you scared yet? Jesus Christ!! You goddamn kids with your Poltergeist movies, and your video arcade games! Nothing scares you anymore... no... you think you're all so damn brave. Try going over the top to run 100 yards of no man's land under heavy machine gun fire from every damn angle and your goddamn lungs are so full of mustard gas you're coughing up baseball sized pieces of soft tissue! That's scary... Boo!!!
Happy Halloween.
No comments:
Post a Comment