The following are excerpts from an Interview I did at the home of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld:
Donald Rumsfeld (DR): John.
Me: Don... hah! Don and John. Cute.
DR: Don't call me Don, it's Donald or Mr. Secretary.
Me: Mr. Secretary... hah... like Mr. Mom.
DR: Do you want to do this interview or not?
Me: Yes sir, I do. What's first?
DR: You've been doing this blog now for nearly a year. You started out on Friendster Blogs, but switched to Blogger at the beginning of August. Why the change?
Me: Well Donald, Friendster kind of annoys me. I'm not much into doing this blog for other people's benefit, mostly because I'm bored at work...
DR (interrupting): At Clinique?
Me: Yes, at Clinique... Friendster was too visible, I wanted a place to hide my thoughts away... like a diary.
DR: Why didn't you start a diary?
Me: What am I? A twelve year old?
DR: No. I keep a diary.
Me: I'd like to see that.
DR: You and everyone else.
(Laughter)
DR: You work at Clinique. How did you end up there?
Me: I've always loved makeup. Ever since I was a kid I've been fascinated by makeup, the compacts and tubes, the women who wear it. It's always played a huge part in my life.
DR: Is it true that you had no previous experience with makeup before going to work at Estee Lauder, Clinique's parent organization?
Me: No... Yes.
DR: So you had no experience. Do you even care about makeup?
Me: No.
DR: So I ask again, why did you end up at Clinique?
Me: I don't know. It's a job, my friend Heather (Huber) worked at Estee Lauder and said she could get me in. I took it.
DR: Is it true that in 1983 you were in Iraq pledging support from the US government to Saddam Hussein?
Me: I'm pretty sure that was you.
DR: Oh, right.
Me: Are you okay? You seem distracted.
DR: It's just all this criticism towards George (Bush, Jr.) is really getting me down. I mean, how can these media people calling for withdrawal not realize it's the same as appeasing Nazi's in the 30's?
Me: Because it's not. If our presence in Iraq had any discernable effect on terrorism then yes, you'd have an argument. But seeing as neither Saddam or the Iraqi people had any connections to September 11th, the bombing of the USS Cole, or any other act of terrorism against the US it's pretty ridiculous to say that they're responsible. It's like going to war with France in the 30's and then saying that we're giving in to the Nazi's if we withdraw.
DR: Hippie.
Me: Fascist.
DR: Interview's over.
Me: Fine by me (under breath) asshole.
DR: What did you say?
Me: Castle.
DR: Oh... why did you say castle?
Me: What?
DR: What?!?
Me: Nothing, I thought you called me an asshole.
DR: Interview's over.
Me: Right.
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