MAC in Black

Clinique is going through some changes. It's finding hair where there hadn't been hair before, it's voice is changing and it's having painful growth spurts. Much like most adolescents it's trying to shed off some of the trappings of it's childhood. So, much like Puff the Magic Dragon, The Velveteen Rabbit, and the time when Christopher Robin robbed Pooh to re-sell his honey for Meth, I am being cast aside from the newly nearly adult Clinique. I have been let go.

Don't fret though. This doesn't mean that Toilet Time for Tiny Town is loosing the house we grew up in, and we'll still be able to eat... we're just being forced to move on from a job that, face facts, we never really thought of as a career.

Now, does this mean we're moving into a career? Of course not. Careers are for proactive people, not me. In a fit of proactivity though, I wrote my friend Zoe at MAC to tell her of my misfortune and see if there were any openings at MAC, or if she knew about any cool jobs in general. I wrote "Oh crap, oh crap, I lost my job. I can't breathe.. my shirt neck is too tight, I can't breathe. I think I'm having a heart attack!" to which she replied "We have a job here that would be perfect for you, I'm so excited that you might come back!" Zoe is really nice, but a terrible liar.


Most of you don't know that I started out my meteoric rise to power at MAC two and a half years ago. Now, while Zoe has fond memories of me being there, it's only because she's been systematically repressing the true memories. For instance, I typically started my days there with a pint of Gin mixed with Sprite. By noon I'd be so out of it I'd think Zoe was my ex-girlfriend Lisa and I'd start calling her a whore for sleeping with my friend Adam. From 2pm onwards I'd nap, and then try and finish my work when I woke up, but still leave at five on the dot.

But the position Zoe was telling me about sounds pretty great. I mean sure, there's a lot of administrative stuff I'd be doing, and some database work and what not, but I'd also be producing/directing the training videos for MAC... and that's right up my alley. I could be the next Scorsese of industrial film. When the Dusties happen I could be winning awards!


So my last day at Clinique is December 20th. I'm sure there's a crazy party in the works, and I firmly expect all the hot girls who work here to tell me about their long standing secret crushes on me. I also expect gifts... expensive gifts. If this doesn't happen you damn well better believe there'll be hell to pay.

To my friends and colleagues at Clinique... the one person who reads the blog from here... thank you for making the last year and a half an enjoyable one, even if that enjoyment had nothing to do with the work involved.